The third episode of the Freeman's Mind series.
Freeman and his science department begin the experiment, which is analyzing a large alien crystal with the colossal scanning machine the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. Freeman freaks out when the experiment goes awry and shreds the facility apart whilst teleporting him to alien dimensions.
|[The camera opens with Freeman, fully donned in his HEV suit, walking through the Black Mesa Research Facility on his way to the test chamber.]
Freeman: "You're in the barrel."
[He encounters a two way fork.]
Freeman: Oh wait. I can't remember which way to go. Left, right, hrgggaagha. I'll go this way, [heading to the right] Hope it's good.
[He skims past employment advertisements, one saying "Safety" and the other having a security guard in front of an American flag.]
Freeman: Safety! American badass! And more soulless walls of concrete. Wait a second...
[Freeman starts to realize the fork led to the same place, an elevator, either way.]
Freeman: Is that the same hallway? UGH. It is! It didn't even matter. The sneaky architect bastards!
[He calls the elevator via a wall mounted button. It arrives and he gets into it.]
Freeman: I have to say, though. Working in an underground laboratory is pretty cool. It kinda makes me feel like I'm an evil scientist. I always wanted to be an evil scientist. [mocking evil laugh. He keeps practicing until it gets extremely loud.] Okay, I better chill out, I don't want a repeat of Monday.
[The elevator comes to a halt and Freeman hops off of it.]
Freeman: Deep breathes.
Freeman: Heeeeeee-wait, I don't know you. Don't confuse me.
[He looks at a vague directory.]
Freeman: Everything this way, awesome.
[He walks past a series of pipes, all marked with LASER - CAUTION repeating over and over.]
Freeman: Laser! Caution. Laser! Caution. Laser! Caution. Laser! What could it mean!
[He encounters a security guard guarding another airlock he needs to go through.]
Freeman: How about you, you know any jokes? No? Oh well.
[He goes through the airlock and wanders about, gazing at the scenery.]
Freeman: Man, I've gotta get my mind outta the gutter. Okay, could this hallway be more depressing? This lighting is crap. It's either too dark or has this sickly green look. Y'know, it wouldn't kill them to get some bulbs down here that give off UV rays.
Scientist #1: Ah, Gordon, here you are! We just sent the sample down to the test chamber.
Einstein-looking Scientist #2: We've boosted the Anti-Mass Spectrometer to 105%-
Freeman: Nice hair.
Einstein-looking Scientist #2: Bit of a gamble but we need the extra resolution.
Scientist #3: The administrator is very considered that we get a conclusive analysis on this day's sample. I gather they did went to some lengths to get it.
Freeman: FedEx did in everything, huh?
Scientist #1: They're waiting for you, Gordon. In the test chamber.
Freeman: Y'know, sometimes I think you guys are just robots except not cool.
Overwatching Scientist: Look to the delivery system for your specimen.
[A small robot rises out of the ground carefully wielding a large crystal.]
Freeman: Seriously, I hope we get some good readings today. Depending on what we find, we might just disprove string theory. That would make my day. If we do, I'm not gonna be gracious about it either. I'm gonna rub peoples' FACES in it.
[He mounts his hands on the delivery robot's handles.]
Freeman: So what's the deal, guys? You ready or what?
Overwatching Scientist: Standard insertion for a non-standard specimen.
Overwatching Scientist: Go ahead, Gordon. Slot the carrier into the analysis port.
Freeman: I hate it when he talks like that. Next he's gonna start smacking his lips.
Unseen Scientist: What is he doing in there?!
Overwatching Scientist: Nothing you need to worry about, Gordon, heh. That's ju-eh, go ahead.
Freeman: Yeah, wouldn't want to take the blinders off the horse, now would you? Whatever.
[He pushes the delivery robot, thus the crystal, into the Anti-Mass Spectrometer's scanner lasers. The lasers start to become violent.]
Freeman: OH GOD. WHAT'D I DO, WHAT'D I DO?!
Overwatching Scientist: Gordon! Get away from the beams!
Overwatching Scientist: Shutting down!
[The entire test chamber starts falling apart and exploding.]
Freeman: OH NO, NO NO! THIS IS NOT GOOD! LET ME OUTTA HERE!
[He sprints over to the exit blast door.]
Overwatching Scientist: It's not! IT'S NOT SHUTTING DOWN!
Freeman: OPEN UP THE DOOR!
[A green bolt of lightning from the ruined Anti-Mass Spectrometer hits the overwatching scientist's office, causing it to explode.]
Freeman: OPEN THE DOOR, YOU BASTARDS! Unngh, I hate you! This is a BAD experiment! We are BAD people! Why did we usher forth the green apocalypse?!
[Another bolt hits Gordon, but instead of killing him, sends him to a black void.]
Freeman: What happened?! What is this? Am I dead?! I don't feel dead. How would I know?! If this is what it's like to be dead, then being dead SUCKS!
[He is teleported back to the test chamber, which is now littered in debris and fire as it explodes into ruins that rain down upon Freeman.]
Freeman: Oh SHIT, that's the ceiling! Where's my helmet?!
[Another bolt strikes Gordon and teleports him to the alien dimension of Xen. Several friendly but terrifying looking aliens surround him.]
Freeman: ..........what the fuck?
[He is teleported again, this time around a herd of the alien humanoids the Vortigaunts who investigate him curiously. He shines his flashlight on him.]
Freeman: Who are you?! NO! I don't wanna be a schizophrenic! Oh my god, this is crazy in a box with a side order of fries.
[The camera fades to black as Freeman says that last sentence.]