The fiftey ninth episode of Freeman's Mind.
[The camera fades into Freeman trying to lift a uge concrete slab blocking his path, but obviously cannot.]
Freeman: [lets out a grunt of effort before giving up trying to lift it] Yeah, I can't lift this. We should've designed this suit to have pnuematic jacks built into the arms. [looks at a tower that looms above him] Can I climb out of here? No, it doesn't reach the ceiling. [Freeman spots a large generator with a valve, spewing out steam over a ladder shooting into the ground, blocking it.] Maybe I should stop this gas filling the room up. [he turns the valve and stops the steam, making the ladder safe to climb down.] I'm glad they have a valve here to stop it, this must happen often. [he peers down the ladder's shaft] Oh. This is new. Yeah, this was sealed, there's no hatch! [Freeman descends down the large ladder] Why would we build a ladder going up to a grate you can't open? [reaches the bottom, revealing a gloomy room of pipes] Is this a dungeon? Yeah, maybe. [he sneezes] Like, the ladder just a tease to tease the prisoners into thinking they can see the sky through the grate, except it's a trick because they're still inside a dome.
[Freeman shines his flashlight on a mortally wounded scientist, bleeding and slumped up against the corner surrounded by boxes of ammo that Freeman helps himself to.]
Scientist: I...seem to be seriously wounded.
Freeman: Yeah, don't touch me.
Scientist: I don't think I can last much longer.
Freeman: Well, [he says as he continues to loot the scientist's ammo] this IS a dungeon.
Scientist: ECH! [he clutches his chest, as if having a heart attack, and slumps over dead.]
Freeman: What? Oh, I'm sorry, were you using that ammo?! Could've fooled me! So those are literally your last words? Screaming at somebody not to touch your stuff. Boy, you lived a fulfilling life, huh? [Freeman unshealthes his shotgun at the sound of ghostly screams echoing throughout the basement's halls] Okay...that's definitely more than ONE ghost! What am I looking at? [he jerks around to a zombie approaching him] No. [he guns the zombie down in his tracks, and crouches down by a pipe to see another zombie towering over the corpse of a guard and scientist.] Hey, you're a witness! [blasts the zombie down as well, and goes down a hall, but his geiger counter goes insane and he turns around] Fuck, this is even more radioactive! This is exactly the clicking I don't wanna be hearing! I don't like performing dance of the geiger counter. [an HECU, stuck to the ceiling by a barnacle slowing eating his skull, hangs over Gordon] Hey, uh...okay, you're busy. That's good. [another HECU soldier flies past Freeman as he's sucked up by a barnacle] Oh, here we go, oh woooow! Perfect! I could use some popcorn for this! Might wanna fire your gun there. No? Okay, that's just me. [Freeman watches as the soldier is brutally devoured] This guy is giving a performance! I respect that. [he grabs a ladder and begins to ascend] I should get a good grip in case this body hits me on the way down.
[Freeman looks up the ladder he's climbing and sees an HECU being dragged away at the peak]
Freeman: Ah ha! Someone's spying on me! I knew it! Or maybe he's motioning for me to follow him, but I'm not going to. [Gordon reaches the top and pulls out his MP5. He sees that the soldier wasn't spying on him, and was really a corpse being dragged off the ladder by a zombie, which Gordon promptly shoots dead] Hey, what the hell? It was just a zombie making him move around like it some giant puppet show! I don't like the implications of this. All they've been doing so far is running into the walls and acting angry at the world, and now they're playing Punch and Judy with the bodies. The other was dragging it around like it was a teddy bear! [he ruminates as he parkours through a series of pipes] I don't know if it's a sign of growing intelligence or something else. [a trio of headcrabs jump out of the shadows, but Freeman kills them as they try to jump on him] Well, you don't disappoint, you don't change a bit! I can always count on you to be horrible. Simple and horrible.
[A flash of green light flickers into Freeman's vision.]
Freeman: Excuse me? I thought I heard someone. Someone green. Or maybe I really have caught a bullet in the head and I'm hearing colors now. I don't think synesthesia's contagious, but the sky's the limit when you've got head trauma. Anyways, if the zombies are getting smarter, I think the next logical step if for them to steal the soldiers' uniforms, and pretend to be one of them. [he arrives to the facility's deserty night-blanketed surface after scaling a maintenance ladder] They would get shot, but the soldiers shoot each-other anyway. I estimate the zombies would have about a 50% success rate at infiltrating us if they tried that. The soldiers would look at them and think they're sick [he says, grunting in effort as he jumps into a large metal crate courtyard] or...well, I don't know WHAT goes through their heads. [an HECU and Vortigaunt dash into sight, and Freeman grumbles in annoyance as he pulls out his MP5. gunning the Vort down as gunfire from HECU coat his ears. Freeman waits in a hallway of metal crates for someone to bolt into his sight] No, you go first, it's cool, I can wait! [he shoots a Vort that enters his sight] This is NOT a line I'm in a rush to get through. [he shoots an HECU as he begins to carry on] It just really doesn't pay to be in front, here. If I thought I could pull it off, I could put the zombie in my suit and just march 'em out here. The military would kill him, then say "Yup, we got Freeman, our job's done here." I'm pretty sure they would buy it. I mean look at- oh yeah, I almost forgot! Option three, the most likely option!
[A Vort teleports right in front of Freeman]
Freeman: HEUAAGH! [frightfully pumps his MP5's lead into the alien] People keep interrupting me! But yeah, option three is the military is rock stupid. Like, frightening stupid. Like, crash planes into buildings, bomb your own troops, and shoot half your squad stupid. [in a mockingly idiotic tone] Duuuuh, whoops, I killed 'da wrong guy again! [Freeman's voice returns to normal after he kills another randomly appearing Vort. He then presses a button that opens the gate that leads to the courtyard's warehouse] Like, maybe soldiers who aren't literally retarded either have non-combatic duty or else they're overseas. [Freeman spectates a battle between HECU and Vorts that erupts throughout the warehouse, and "helps" by gunning down both sides] So what I'm seeing is all that's left. This isn't THAT hard! I mean, c'mon, these are walking green tasers! I don't think I wanna wait on this crowd. [Freeman shoots an HECU wandering about the warehouse] Y'see, this is what I mean! That guy was just walking casually, in the center of the room, exposed! Did he have headphones on? Had music playing so loud you couldn't hear gunshots? They might sell ear-buds like that [he says as he collects fallen HECU soldiers' ammo], I'm not sure. Must've been pretty good music, since I'm assuming he had his eyes closed since there were green bolts of electricity flying around! Or maybe that just happened to fit the beat so he didn't give it much conscious thought until it was too late. Music soothes even the...spaced out marine who forgot he was in the middle of a warzone, apparently.
[Freeman enters another facility by a bridge gouging out the warehouse]
Freeman: Shit, if I could document this, I could publish this as a research paper on the way out the door! Because that's how I roll!
[Freeman enters a room littered with dead headcrabs and a security guard talking to Freeman, but the latter ignores him.]
Freeman: If I lose my job I'll have a research paper before I'm out the building. Oh wait, shit, I'm a fugitive and I've killed a lot of people. I forgot. So I guess that guard broke the door because he was bored. [Freeman enters a security room. He tries to leave, but can't, as the door is locked] Where do I go now? Come on! There has to be a ventilation shaft somewhere! [he bangs on the locked door with his crowbar, and starts to analyze the security room] What's this, is this a security station? [he looks at the controls] No, this is for mixing music. Maybe the guards DJ on the side. There has to be a shaft, we have great airflow here! In all've my time in Black Mesa, I've never seen anyone suffocate in their office or blackout because of carbon dioxycide poisoning. That hasn't been true at all jobs I've worked at! [he bangs on the broken door] Oh you broke it good, huh? [Freeman jumps up to see through the broken door's window and spots four Vortigants herded into the room behind the door] How di-? [the Vorts power up their electricity at the sight of Freeman, and he ducks to cover] WHOAH!